Conflict

I’m sorry for how late this/many of my other posts are. The LSAT passed recently so I had been frantically panicking/studying for that. I am now catching up with all of my classes. 

When reading this prompt a specific (and frankly traumatic) event instantly came to mind. 

I was a 16-year old junior in high school and had been recently hired at Walgreens. The hierarchy at the store consisted of associates, assistant managers, and then the store manager. The store manager and I had a casual and pleasant relationship. At my particular store there were four assistant managers, the majority of which I got along with just fine. However, there was one particular woman- we’ll call her Rebecca- with whom I butted heads with quite a lot. Her general unkindness towards both customers and associates was off-putting to me, and I found it difficult to see her in a positive light. However, I recognized that she was my superior and thus I needed to be quiet, put my head down, and simply do as I was told. We maintained a polite yet distant relationship for a couple of weeks- until the incident. 

I was working as a cashier that day, and walked outside to round up stray carts from the parking lot. Rebecca and another assistant manager were standing towards the side of the store, presumably taking a smoke break. As soon as I walked outside they both quickly stopped talking. This made me both insecure and suspicious, so once the chance arose, I asked the other assistant manager present if I was the topic of discussion. He looked embarrassed but admitted that they were in fact talking about me: he disclosed that Rebecca had said many negative things about me, including calling me names and saying that I had been “born with a silver spoon” in my mouth. I had never been in a situation like this, in which an administrator or superior gossiped about me behind my back. My initial reaction was anger rather than sadness; my parents are immigrants from a third world country, and everything she said could not have been further from the truth. Thus, I viewed the situation more as a commentary on her than me. 

I would say that the source of the conflict was that she viewed me as someone who did not have to work hard for things. It’s possible that she thought I had many things handed to me, and therefore found me to be spoiled/unpleasant. In her defense, at this point in my life my parents had ascended into a level of affluence that was record-breaking for us. What Rebecca didn’t see, however, was the years of poverty that my family endured while my dad both completed his Ph.D and served as the sole breadwinner. Due to this, it angered me in a more personal way than if she had made any other negative comment; my parents worked extremely hard for everything they had. From an outsider’s perspective it may have seemed that I was overly touchy or sensitive, I presume. The majority of my coworkers stayed relatively quiet about the situation, although a few came up to me and expressed their disapproval of Rebecca’s actions. 

The situation did resolve well, but only after a period of festering. The following days after the conflict included me alerting the store manager that I was unwilling to work shifts during which it would just be Rebecca and I, as well as me generally speaking to her as shortly and minimally as possible. The resolution occurred when one of my coworkers called in sick, leaving me alone to close the store with Rebecca as the manager on duty. I wanted to confront Rebecca and have an adult, mature conversation about the matter, but received many discouragements from my coworkers. They all warned me that talking about it head on with her would be disastrous, and I should instead let things simmer. Fortunately, I did not follow their advice. 

My conversation with Rebecca was a bit weird but positive overall. In a private room, I told her that I found it upsetting that she was not only assuming things about my life, but also sharing those thoughts with our coworkers. I made sure not to be aggressive or accusatory, but rather approach it from a perspective that outlined the unprofessionalism and hurtfulness of the situation. She responded by immediately crying and apologizing. This made me slightly uncomfortable, but I did appreciate her ability to take responsibility for the action rather than defend it.

I think that situations like this are inevitable in life. People make split-second decisions about others, and this often leads to an uninformed opinion. Thus, there will most likely be times in which you find yourself disliked by peers or coworkers. I’m not sure how I could have acted differently to avoid the issue, but I do wish I had dealt with it differently. I feel that addressing things quickly and politely usually benefits everyone in a conflict, and I should have done it sooner. I believe that confrontation- in a way that is both courteous and logic based- is one of the most mature ways to deal with conflict.